We are back and will be posting regularly again staring January15, 2008.

Q: My sister wants to have a bridal shower for me but I have heard it is not appropriate for relatives to host a shower. Please give me your opinion on this.

A: Most etiquette books say that it would not be appropriate for a relative to host your bridal shower. However, many bridal showers are hosted by relatives and I think it would be fine for your sister to host the shower. This is one of those instances where the “old” etiquette rules are becoming somewhat “outdated”.

Q: We would like to use a monogram on our wedding invitations but whose initials should be used?

A: Good question! I checked with several “etiquette” persons at the invitation printers and have gotten different answers. Most say that you should not use the groom’s last name initial since the couple is not yet married, although I have seen this done many times. I have seen couples use both their first name initials and the initials of the parents issuing the invitation are sometimes used. I personally like the idea of using the first name initials of the bride and groom.

Q: My cousin got married this past Sunday, Labor Day weekend. My mom thinks this was in poor taste and inconsiderate. Your thoughts, please.

A: I don’t know that it matters but many weddings are held on Sundays, especially when the next day (Monday) is a holiday. Many families have reunions and other family gatherings during these holidays and the wedding can be scheduled around those events. Some family members could save money by buying only one airline ticket for both events.

Q: I am having a formal wedding and would like to put “black tie” on the invitation. Do you have any suggestions on this?

A: This is a good way to let your guests know that your wedding is formal. However, another idea is to give your guests an option by putting “black tie optional” on the invitation instead. This option would allow guests who own and/or can afford to rent a tuxedo to wear one and other guests would know to wear a nice suit.

Q: My mother wants me to send invitations to family and friends who are out of town and have said they will not be able to attend my wedding. I think we can save money by not sending them an invitation and would like to know your thoughts on this.

A: Even though they have expressed that they will not be able to attend the wedding, it is a good idea that you extend the invitation. Also keep in mind that the invitation can also serve as an announcement and/or keepsake of your wedding. You will find that the cost of a few extra invitations is minimal.

Q: My fiance and I are about to order our wedding invitations and I want to use the traditional verse where the bride’s parents issue the invitation. However, he wants to add his parents’ names on the invitation even though they are not paying for the wedding. What should we do?

A: Your parents can still issue the invitation but you can recognize his parents by adding a line underneath the groom’s name that states “son of Mr. and Mrs. John Doe”. This is not uncommon as many couples now “recognize” the groom’s parents in this manner.

Q: I am on a strict budget and considering printing my own wedding invitations. Is this something you would recommend as a cost-saving measure?

Q: There are a number of invitations you can get professionally printed for about the same price as when you do them yourself. A suggestion to help you achieve that goal would be for you to look for a plain white or off-white blank invitation paper and have it printed in black ink (colored ink could be used for a small additional fee). At no additional expense you can also add a design or special format to customize the invitation and give it the “look” of a more expensive invitation. Also, when you have the invitations professionally printed, you have a raised print versus flat print when you do them yourself.

Q: What is the most popular invitation design color?

A: The most popular design color is the pearlized border. This is an off-white/cream color that is usually raised. Its popularity is based in part on the fact that it looks great with any color font, envelope lining, and/or wedding color.

Q: I am geting married in my home state and feel that a lot of my friends/relatives in the state where I live/work will not be able to attend due to the cost. Do you think I still need to send them an invitation?

A: Yes, I believe that invitations should be sent to persons who are important in your life – without regard to whether or not you think they will be able to attend. You might be surprised as to who will attend. In some cases friends/family who have enough notice will plan their vacation around your wedding, a “weekend getaway”, etc. in order to share this momentous occasion with you.